Not long after my wife and I got married, I found myself becoming very complacent in life.
As all new husbands have to learn, I didn’t know how to be a good husband.
I figured going to work, helping out around the house, and loving my wife was enough.
We were married quite young, I had just turned 21 and she was 20.
Outside of the few things I mentioned above, I can admit that I wasn’t doing much else.
I found myself quietly becoming complacent with life in general. I wasn’t doing anything necessarily harmful, I just wasn’t doing anything at all.
I thought I had accomplished the most important things and wasn’t being challenged or challenging myself anymore.
Looking back, it was clear this was a season of complacency in my life.
Webster’s defines complacency as “a feeling of quiet security, often while unaware of some potential danger”.
Ouch.
That’s tough to ascribe to my life, but honestly, that’s where I was. I may not have realized or admitted it at the time, but it’s an accurate depiction of who I was.
In looking at that, you may ask what danger I was unaware of. Well, that’s pretty easy.
See, complacency is settling in and being comfortable with whatever state you’re in, to the point of stagnation.
I wasn’t moving, and I had become the picture of stagnation.
The byproduct of me not moving is that I wasn’t developing, growing, progressing, or advancing.
The danger in not growing or moving forward should be obvious to us.
If we’re sitting still and not advancing, we aren’t doing what we were placed on this earth to do – give back.
If you believe like I do, that each of us has a purpose in the only life we’re given, then it’s up to us to figure out what it is and fulfill it.
We aren’t doing that if we’re complacent.
It’s easy to get there, I know.
It doesn’t happen overnight and often it’s unintentional. We just get comfortable in a routine and don’t make the time for the things that will help us grow towards fulfilling our purpose.
So how do we break out of this harmful cycle we’ve gotten ourselves in?
1. Introspection
Before we can break out of a period of complacency, we first have to come to grips with it; recognize it, call it for what it is and realize we have to do something.
Personally, in seeing this in myself, I can say that it came with tears.
Yep, in doing my own introspection, one of the biggest things on my mind was that I had wasted so much time.
I didn’t cry a river, but I did feel guilty about all those months and years I was never getting back.
I had to realize that while the crying had its place, I couldn’t sit and do that forever. What was crying going to solve?
Because the answer is “nothing”, I had to find a starting point and develop a plan.
2. Construction
The best way to get anywhere is to have a plan.
I’d never given a lot of time or attention to formulating plans, especially not to the degree I knew was ahead.
As best I could, at the time, I made up some plans for short and long-term gains I wanted to see.
Those plans have never changed one bit in the last 8 years.
Okay, that isn’t quite accurate.
Actually, the only plan that has stayed the same was my plan to change.
The evolution of my plans started with floating some ideas around my head while thinking, “Hey, I can do that!” to having written, measurable goals with deadlines.
One of the hardest things to do in this construction phase is to share my plans.
Partly out of fear of them being laughed at and partly out of me failing to reach them, it’s been difficult to verbalize and allow others to be a part of what I’m endeavoring to do.
3. Reflection
I tossed around a few ideas for this last part such as determination, motivation, and completion.
While all those are needed to keep moving forward and not fall back into a place of stagnation, I couldn’t help but think of something that’s truly seen me through to this point.
It’s the boxes of self-portraits, pictures hanging on the fridge, Minnie Mouse puzzles, remote controlled cars, basketballs, princess slippers, board games, and the constant questions about playing games on my phone.
Sometimes I get tired and discouraged.
Sometimes I’m not as motivated as at other times.
Sometimes I think I’ll never see my dreams fulfilled.
All of the time, I’m not a perfect husband or father.
Yet when I reflect during these times as to how I got this far, I realize it’s because there is a gorgeous wife and 3 beautiful children who are all cheering me on.
Who is it in your life that’s cheering you on?
Don’t lose sight of who is most important in your life.
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Your story is not like anyone else’s story.
Your path is not like anyone else’s path.
If you’ve been complacent, start with some introspection. Let the tears flow if necessary.
Then work on constructing something that gets you from point A to point B. Don’t worry about dong everything in one try.
When you get a little discouraged or feel like giving up, reflect on who is cheering you on and let that motivate you to keep going and leave the “what if” behind.
Do you feel like you’re in a season of complacency? How have you broken through into a time of action?
Comment below and share your thoughts!
