This is the first of a two-part series that I’d like to do on self-awareness. In breaking it up like this, we’ll first talk about what it looks like when we lack this trait and then we’ll explore how to cultivate it.

This is an area I believe is vital to us becoming better in our lives and a huge part of our personal development.

Let’s start with defining what it is.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.

Have you ever run across someone who you felt was lacking in self-awareness?

This type of individual can be anywhere – home, school, work, church, etc., simply wherever your circle of acquaintances is you just might have seen this individual.

You may have witnessed mistakes they’ve made or wondered how they are where they are in your organization, especially if they’re in a leadership role.

Self-awareness is a large part of an increasing study around emotional intelligence. There are several books written about emotional intelligence and 2 of those are Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and EQ 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves.

Someone said this about Daniel Goleman:

He’s “the guru of emotional intelligence, identified self-awareness as being made up of emotional awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence. In other words, it is all about knowing your emotions, your personal strengths and weaknesses, and having a strong sense of your own worth.”

In the book EQ 2.0, the authors note that:

“Self-awareness falls under personal competence. Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies. Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.

People high in self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons.”

As these studies indicate, self-awareness is contained within your emotional state in every situation in life.

As with all things, it’s not something that is corrected or solved in critical moments. Rather, it’s forged through pre-emptive actions that allow you to perform the way you have studied.

If we don’t have self-awareness, then it can be difficult for us to build upon a solid foundation of our character and apply the right teachings, development, knowledge, direction, and ultimately contribution.

We can all testify that from an emotional standpoint, we’ve not batted a thousand when we needed to act a certain way in conversations, heated moments of verbal exchanges, or our behavior when emotions run high.

When emotions run high, often, judgment runs low.

When emotions run high, often, judgment runs low. Click To Tweet

These mistakes, if not corrected, form a perception of who we are to ourselves and others of a lack of maturity, self-discipline, self-control, and of course self-awareness.

Think about it.

Do you know anyone who you consider a ‘hot-head’? We avoid conflict with these types of people because we have seen how they act in the middle of it.

We shake our heads when we see them interacting with others in this way because we realize they haven’t learned and corrected their behavior.

If we aren’t careful, just like anything, this can happen to us.

So here are the 5 Dangers to avoid that cause a lack of self-awareness:

1. Pride

This one is probably a ‘no-brainer’, however, it’s extremely necessary to avoid.

It was the first sin and it’s the root of all sin.

The very first thing that Proverbs 6 tells us is an abomination to God is a proud look.

Pride in someone who lacks self-awareness is detrimental because of other factors that play into it.

If you lack self-awareness, you may not know you’re puffed up with pride.

You’ll conduct yourself in a way that you think is normal and right, yet causes a stench to those around you.

 

2. Being unteachable

This probably can be interchanged with pride in the battle of which should come first.

If you aren’t able to listen to the instruction of mentors, teachers, parents, pastors, close friends, etc., then you cannot learn and grow in such a way that is beneficial to your character.

Being unteachable is something we must learn early in life because if we don’t, we’ll move through it under the assumption that no one can tell us anything as we already know it all. (We all remember those teenage years, right?)

Recognizing that others have valuable insight and assistance to pour into you and being able to receive that is not present in those who are unteachable.

 

3. Closed Off

Being closed off to others can stem from a myriad of things.

Normally, it comes from a place where trust has been broken.

Often, those who didn’t violate trust pay the price of a closed off spirit.

Not allowing yourself to form bonds, trust people, and develop that part of your life that is vital to our existence will create false realities in your world.

This leads to isolation and exclusion.

When you’re isolated, you have no example to measure yourself against.

You develop hardness and a callous spirit where nothing can penetrate to bring hope and light.

 

4. Lack of Discipline

We’ve probably all been there at some point where we echo Paul’s words to the Romans when he told them there’s good that I know I should be doing, but I don’t do. The things I shouldn’t be doing, that’s what I find myself doing.

It’s the easy path.

It’s the way that doesn’t cost as much.

It’s the things that don’t take a lot of time or energy or pain.

The lack of discipline shows up in our lives when we want and know we should be spending time doing things that grow us, and stretch us, yet we rationalize not doing so because of a temporary issue.

We rationalize not working out because we’ve spent all day working and we’re tired.

We rationalize not investing into ourselves because we have other obligations.

We rationalize and justify days that turn into months and years.

This is created because we not only look around and compare ourselves to people who are higher on this climb than us, but we think we have to go from A to Z in a day or a week.

When we aren’t able to measure up in these areas in our minds, we quit before we start.

 

5. Don’t Seek Feedback

It’s hard to hear what we NEED to hear at times.

We often don’t seek feedback because we may have an idea of what’s going to come from the source we ask.

Well, if we combine the other items into this, we don’t want to hear if we’re prideful, unteachable, closed off, or have a lack of discipline.

Either we know and don’t want to deal with them or we are so blinded that we don’t realize these exist in us.

People don’t often give unsolicited feedback, so unless we’re seeking it out, we can often have a misguided perception of how others think of us.

From a character standpoint, we need to seek out feedback so we can identify areas of opportunity we can work on and grow.

 

If you look at this list and then evaluate yourself, are you guilty of these things?

I know I struggle with them at times.

It’s not about being perfect though, it’s about making progress.

It’s not about being perfect though, it’s about making progress. Click To Tweet

When we find ourselves with these deficiencies, we need to work to get them corrected.

Are you determined to leave the “what if” behind and work on self-awareness? If so, you don’t want to miss Thursday’s article where we will discuss the 8 Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness.

 

I’d love to hear from you about this! What are some other areas you see this is evident in the life of someone lacking in this area?

Comment below and share your thoughts!