When we were growing up, our parents forbade us to say certain words. Not that these words were earth-shatteringly terrible (well maybe some were), but they were trying to instill in us better behaviors than unintelligently spewing out words that truly reflect what’s on the inside.
By choosing our words carefully, it had a huge impact on how we spoke to one another at home, school, church, in public, and essentially everywhere.
While we didn’t understand what was so horrible about some of the words, outside of them being cheap substitutes for curse words, the practice was still a daily one to watch what we said.
While my wife and I have incorporated that approach with our children, there’s one particular word that I can say I HATE when I hear it spoken.
Whenever my kids attempt to throw this word out, I refuse to listen to their conversation and comments that follow until they change their grammar.
There’s almost no word on this earth that I do not want to hear besides the word “can’t”.
There are a lot of poisonous words that we can speak to others and ourselves, but there’s few that do damage like the word “can’t”. There are a lot of poisonous words that we can speak to others and ourselves, but there’s few that do damage like the word “can’t”. Click To Tweet
We tend to throw it around so much that we don’t even realize we’re saying it.
When our children were toddlers, they all loved to say that they can’t reach the light switch. Well, we don’t keep them hidden or 6 feet off the ground in every room. Normally a small stool or step ladder can assist them in reaching their target (which were usually close by).
Whenever they would say they couldn’t reach it, I would tell them they were forbidden to use that word. In fact, my exact response has always been, “We don’t say that word.”
I would insist they changed their defeated remark into a question or ask them to figure out a way to solve their problem.
Often, I would hear them respond to our requests with the comment, “I can’t, it’s too hard.”
It’s amazing how they ascribed that attribute to their tasks often before they even tried! “How do you know it’s too hard and you can’t accomplish that, you haven’t even attempted it yet!” – Usually, me in frustration, seeing them stand there without initiative.
As adults, we look at those simple things like reaching a light switch or simple household chores and roll our eyes because they’ve become things we don’t even think twice about getting done.
Do you know when I NEVER hear my kids use the word “can’t”?
When they’re playing pretend and using their imagination.
We have a whole box of costumes at the house and our children love to be princesses and superheroes, warriors and knights, animals and movie characters.
They have endless powers and abilities as they bound through the house shattering the limits of the natural, defying gravity, embracing immortality, and loosening the lid off the jar of creativity.
Don’t you dare interrupt their quest to save the princess as the heroes move through the forest slaying dragons, leaping over the flames of lava, conquering any obstacle in their way and tell them they can’t save the fair maiden!
The determination they’ll rise up with doesn’t know the word “can’t” even exists!
When does it slip back in?
Does it return in our teenage years? How about our college days? Maybe later in life when we’re settled in, comfortable, in a routine and resigned to the path we’re on is a neverending one?
When is the last time you used that word?
What was it in reference to?
Have you said you “can’t” go back to school?
“Can’t” find a better job?
“Can’t” make more money?
“Can’t” get out of debt?
“Can’t” learn a new skill?
“Can’t” change your story?
If you keep using that word, you’re exactly right. You “can’t” get past even that sentence because of how much power that word exerts over you.
The two things I learned in my attempt to train up my children in such a way that they stop using that word altogether are:
1 – Ask for Help
I’m the first to admit that I’ll try everything in my power to do things myself before bringing someone alongside to assist.
Some people may say they’re a “control freak”.
Some may not know where to turn for help.
Maybe you think that it makes you look weak or vulnerable or inadequate. (Interpret that as harsh as you will, because we’re our worst critic in life and have a tendency to hand out insults to ourselves quicker than anyone else.)
I’m more than happy to help my children when they ask me to flip the light switch on, but I want them to ask.
There may be a number of people that would gladly lend a hand or point you in the right direction if you’d only ask.
Toss away the heavy coat of pride that you think makes you invisible to everyone else who actually wants to help you out and take them up on their offer, trust me, it’s worth it.
2 – Shift gears into Problem Solving Mode
I don’t want my children to lose the art of solving problems because guess what life is full of? You guessed it because you know it’s true.
We need to be able to think for ourselves and have the ability to solve problems or advancement ceases.
As a society, as individuals, even as a human race, we’re all faced with the same enemy.
Get a different perspective by looking at it a different way.
Look around at the resources you have or can quickly attain.
Use trial and error to your advantage. Just don’t sit there, try something.
An easy way to stay unhappy where you are, or stifle growth and advancement is to continue to use that filthy word “can’t”.
An easy way to stay unhappy where you are, or stifle growth and advancement is to continue to use that filthy word “can’t”. Click To Tweet
If there is any word you should stop saying, it’s definitely that one.
If we want to move past the ‘what if’ of our lives, we have to discard that word from our vocabulary. Try it and see how it changes you.
Are you guilty of using this word too often?
Comment below and encourage someone that they CAN do what they purpose to do.
